That's Jokes
-
@neph93 What a mess you got there, we have in the Czech rep. sunny and 20 today but snow and freezing is coming this weekend
-
That Will Smith fella, he loves a joke ???
-
the jokes on us ::)
-
@Maynard:
That Will Smith fella, he loves a joke ???
I heard that Will Smith got in that one minor altercation and now his mother is terrified and has insisted that he move in with her sister and brother-in-law in their large mansion in Bel Air, for his own safety.
-
-
Five nuns have died and find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to get into Heaven as St Peter approaches.
"Before you may pass these gates", he says, "you must purge yourself of any sin".
St Peter turns to the first nun and asks "my child, have you committed any sin for which you need absolution?"
The first nun admits that, on one occasion, she saw a man's genitalia in a magazine.
"Go, my child, to that pool of holy water", he says, pointing at a nearby pool, "and wash your eyes. Your sins will then be absolved and you may pass into Heaven". And the first nun does as she is instructed and passes through the Pearly Gates.
The second nun admits to, once, having pleased herself in a carnal way. "Go, my child" she is bid "and wash your hand in the pool of holy water. Your sins will then be absolved and you may pass into Heaven". And the second nun does as she is instructed, washes her hand and passes through the Pearly Gates.
The third nun admits that, once, before taking her vows and while still a young woman, having intercourse. She had never admitted this to anyone other than God in her prayers out of shame. She is also bid to go to the pool of holy water and deuce herself with the water, which she does, before passing into Heaven.
The fourth nun admits to having had anal sex, again, prior to taking her vows. St Peter instructs her to go to the pool and wash her backside, which she does, before she too passes into Heaven.
"Now then my child" St Peter says, turning to the last nun. "What sin do you need absolution for?"
"If you think I'm gargling that water now you've another think coming!" she replies.
-
-
In case you were born after '90 or are not American, here's context for my "you might be a redneck" jokes.
-
real life … me and my mrs driving though the Alps, been hiking, then cruising in my bus to the next spot and listening to SWR2, a local (ahem ...) pop music radio, for an hour or so
me: sorry, but I need to have some heavier music now (sort of, was in german)
she: ok, what do you want me to play (on spotify)
me: let's go for 'ace of spades'
she: ok, I'll put in on... (waiting ..., finally ... coming)
'All that she wants, is another baby ...'
she: [happy]
-
Rofl [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
-
A pirate walks in a bar with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eyepatch
The bar tender says “wow how’d you get that peg leg?” The pirate says one day I was out sailing and a shark jumped aboard and tore it clean off” next the bartender asks “and the hook? How’d you get that?” The pirate responds “well we were out whaling and one leapt out of the water and bit my hand clean off” the bartender then asks, “ok so what about the eyepatch??” The pirate responds “I was out walking on the deck of my ship when I looked up and a seagull shit right in my eye” the bartender is a bit confused and says “that made you lose your eye?” “No” says the pirate “it was my first day with the hook!”
