Random Announcements

[EdH]

The physical scars have long faded. I have some crows feet and smile lines from how amusing I find the story.

[jerkules]

@EdH

When I was about 23 I got mumps. My testicles swelled up to like size of grapefruits and I was having trouble walking. GP refused to see me so I had to go A&E, who urgently referred me to a urologist as it was unusually bad. I couldn’t sit/lay easily as the pain was too much, so he I had to stand while he examined. He tutted, and said “give me a minute I’m going to get a colleague”. I stood in the corner with my trousers round my ankles, and he returned with about 8 student doctors. The were mostly girls, all around my age, totally hot. One of whom I knew peripherally as a friend of a friend. I might’ve been overly distressed by the turn of events, but I swear I saw a few smirks. Then again probably quite likely, as my penis must’ve looked like a newborn Clanger between to two angry beach balls.

[goosehd]

@jerkules You owe me a keyboard...

[Nocturama]

@jerkules - guessing the 666 cut wouldn’t have worked for you at that moment in time! 🫢

[EdH]

@jerkules I was at a wedding recently. Got chatting to this guy, said he was an A&E consultant. I said "you must have a lot of stories". He whipped his phone out and took me through a series of scans and X-rays, mostly showing the things people have shoved up their backsides and the damage done. One guy had a butt-plug that had perforated his rectum and threaded its way up to the point where it was tickling his lungs (thankfully, I was told, it had managed to snake around all the major organs rather than do additional damage). Another had put an empty jam-jar up there backwards, which had subsequently imploded. And a series of vibrators without any sort of flange, which had simply gotten sucked up there.

Anyway, I hope your medical students aren't still telling your story at weddings.

[goosehd]

I had to look it up...A&E is not Arts and Entertainment in this instance (although I'm sure it's debatable). Accidents and Emergencies (A&E)

[jerkules]

@EdH if consultants are mentioning me, above ol’ Dildo Lungs, at weddings then I’d feel oddly satisfied.

[SKT]

This is the thread that keeps on giving. @jerkules @EdH These stories may need a thread of their own but I’m hesitating at what to call it…lots of good choices but none that would pass decency guidelines.

[goosehd]

I love how that no matter how old we get, deep down inside we'll always be juvenile kids at heart

[EdH]

@jerkules That's the right attitude to have I suppose!

WRT Ol' Dildo Lungs, I asked the doctor "did he say why he didn't tell the other person to stop sooner?". Apparently not.

[Oaktavia]

OH LORT

[Daniel San]

great stories gentlemen

[Matt]

@EdH said in Random Announcements:

And a series of vibrators without any sort of flange, which had simply gotten sucked up there.

I looked on the Guineas World Book of Records website and didn’t see anything about this so I’m dubious.

[AdamJ]

@jerkules said in Random Announcements:

a newborn Clanger

10/10

[Matt]

I think I saw The Newborn Clangers at a festival in ‘98.

[EdH]

@Matt I see what you did there. Sadly, I must apologise for my lack of clarity. Different patients, one vibrator apiece.

[EdH]

For non-Brits, these are Clangers:

[Matt]

That’s less of a story. Just one errant vibrator seems like another day in the ER.

[Matt]

@EdH I think we actually had them here. I Seem to remember my kids watching it. It’s no Caillou but what are you gonna do, eh?

[goosehd]

I'm slightly disappointed that @neph93 or @Giles haven't dipped their toes into this conversation yet...